Ah yes, to be back in the swing of things here in El Paso. Nothing ever really changes, not one little bit. Good times, good people, crazy late nights, lonely drives home, it is all about the same. I guess maybe that is why it is so nice to come home, you get a chance to go back to the way things were. I'd say back to simpler times, but that isn't usually the case. Today I spent several hours watching a simple blue screen on TV that said: "This station is having problems or has signed off" The real question here is, which one? After about half an hour of watching this blue screen, a show did actually show up, sort of phased in actually, some sort of reality church life program. Didn't see too much of it, because there must have been some sort of epic battle down at the station about whether or not to show this, because it was later revealed that the pastor was in fact a lesbian! Oh the outrage! After this revelation, the station immediately began experiencing "problems" again, and did not return. So it was off onto the road once more. The same streets gliding by beneath my worn out wheels. The pain of driving becomes very apparent when your the one doing it all the time. Despite the vast improvement in my mood from earlier today, the drive home still hammers a bit of something else into me. Tomorrow however is another day, and no matter what, I am destined to start it off with optimism and hope, just like ever other day. If only the night and day could talk to each other, then they would both know what was really going on, and have a good laugh at my expense.

Well it sure has been a while, but I have been so very busy. Busy hating Christmas. Yes, it is true, I very much hate this holiday, but it had turned out all right. Today was fun at least, got a bit drunk with Tim and a couple of other people and some crazy Germans who were busy partying downstairs. It was excellent. In fact, aside from some slight yelling, the holiday really hasn't been that bad. Besides, I have a special new friend that no one will ever see, and that is always good, and on top of that, I got some sweet loot for Christmas, as well as some sweet loot in World of Warcraft lately. Yes, it is all working out very well. Now what would really top it off is one of my pictures selling at Art Six, and the season would be complete. I am recovering from surgery quite well, because I figure as soon as you can drink you are doing pretty well. I'm not too sure about skiing yet, but we shall see, it will at least be very entertaining with a house full of Germans. Those guys are so very crazy, and efficient. And if you have efficiency, you really don't need anything else, in fact, there is no room for anything else, so why doesn't everyone just back off! Yeah, besides, it's time for some excellent creamy Simpson's nougat, it really is like creamy filling because it is Season 5, and that is when the show was just oh so good, I couldn't help but watch several times a day. A much better situation then as compared to now. I haven't watched an episode of crapppy schlock in at least three months. Oh how I miss the good old days of classic television that rotted your brain away, and was in no way safe for your children to watch, but you just didn't know any better. Long live old television, and down with new Bad Sci-Fi!

Ah yes, to be home once more. While everyone else still sits at school and worries about finals, I am at home, getting my belly sliced open. In a good way though, it's surgery. That will happen on Wednesday, and I should be fine by the end of the day, so maybe I'll go bowling with Tim. Excellent. Other then that it has been pretty quiet around here, since no one is in town yet there isn't too much to do, seeing as how I only know about five people. That is alright too though, because I can feed my wonderful World of Warcraft addiction. It has something that City of Heroes just never really had, and that was swag. Sure, killing things is great, but it is even better if you can loot some money and cool stuff off of it afterwards. So yes, that is what I have been doing. Playing WoW. Not much else. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go.... ummmm..... rearrange some desktop icons, yeah that's it.

Well this weekend was a bust. It really isn't, because I did do better then ever before, but the final disappointment tends to overtake anything else. Auditions were on Thursday, which I have been preparing for all week, pulling several all night sessions and ditching all of my classes on Thursday just to make sure I would be ready for them. And the auditions went well, I wasn't as terribly nervous, I remembered almost all of my monologue, and left feeling pretty damn good. The callbacks went up an hour later and I was on them. That made me feel real good, because it meant I had done something right, it was a step in the right direction. However, the callbacks themselves were hellish. On Friday I jolt out of bed and flip because I thought it was very late in the afternoon and I had missed my voice class, (which I can't miss or I'll fail) the last of my electrics hours, (for which the same is true) and the callbacks themselves. Luckily it turned out to only be eight thirty in the morning, but the shock, that sucked. So I pretty much spent the entire morning in the theater building, trimming the 2nd electric so that the instruments don't slam into the ground when we take it all the way in, and right about when we finished that, everyone started coming into the theater for Eternal Romeo and Juliet callbacks, so I took my seat, got my copy of the script I was to read from, and went outside to wait in the lobby. For five hours. At the end of this five hours, they started to send everyone home, because they knew that this wasn't going to get finished today. As fun as it is to hang out with theater people, they get a bit old after five hours. So they call us in, the very last group to go that day, we read through once, and that is that, thank you, come back tomorrow at nine in the morning. So I drag myself home, play a bit of Pirates!, look over the script some more, and pass the fuck out around eleven thirty. I wander on down to the theater building this morning, and the same thing again. I sit and wait for three hours before the stage manager comes out, hands me a different script, in which I will be reading for one of the leads. This of course is not because I am being considered for that part, but simply because they figure they will humor me and give me something to do. After that I am sent home. The cast list goes up at five, and I have not been chosen to play anything. As I feared the five males competing for the lead have been pushed down into other roles, and as a result skewed my calculations on how many male roles where available. I am never one to diminish my own accomplishments, but the callback was a tremendous waste of my time. Of course, I didn't have anything else to do, but if I hadn't been called back I could have at least known right away, but no, instead they let me sit around for eight hours in that damn lobby thinking that I actually have a shot. Oh well, there is always next year, which means I have all of next semester and the entire summer to prepare something. Wonderful. So yet another year goes by where I only go on stage when I am carrying a wrench, or something needs to be moved. But hey, I got called back at least right? Right?

The ridiculousness of the women around me continues to grow. Patient as I may be with people I care about, this is truly wearing very thin. This event has made me even more tired and confused, and as a result I almost fell asleep on my keyboard just now. It is time I moved on over to my nice comfortable futon, who gives so much and asks so little in return, and rest my weary soul.

So here I sit, the end of another 36 hour marathon of staying awake. Although this one did have a purpose. I spent 11 of those hours in the theater building, or right outside of it, and the rest of them working on what needed to be done in the theater building. So I predict that I will last at the most another hour or two, then I will pass out until early tomorrow morning, when I will begin work anew on my contemporary monologue. Apparently there is a shortage of males auditioning this year, and as a result the chances of being cast are substantially increased by simply attending and showing them that you exist. Excellent. That should make next year very very busy. Although I would be perfectly happy just getting a callback, because that is at least a step in the right direction. Woot, theater! Unfortunately, my voice monologue did not go as well as planned, despite my having run through it about thirty times before hand. Oh well, can't win them all, there is always the final next week. Ugh, finals, at least they will all be over by this time next week, and I can go home nice and early and relax. Mmmmm, relaxing, even if it is in a hospital bed, is wonderful. Winter break should be a lot of fun. It seems my thoughts have been reduced to simple sentence ideas that don't really hold together, so I shall away fly from this noble keyboard, 'fore I make more of a fool of myself.

Well, so very much has happened lately. Good good times had all around, lots of crazy rantings and ravings over the phone, many sleepless hours spent on memorizing things, that I sadly immediately forget once I am actually in front of everyone, but it is all good, because I still have a few hours until my rehearsal, which is sometime tomorrow night, and by then I should be able to pick out and memorize a contemporary monologue. The hookah was taken away, and will remain away until the end of the year, when I am allowed to take it home, and never bring it back, because of some new rule all because hookahs have become oh so popular, so that has to ruin it for the rest of us. Oh well. Back to Bagherri's it is I suppose. Lousy over-priced non-Al-Fakhar tobacco. Perhaps it is for the best. I recorded the crazy conversation I had last night, which was really just me yelling at Bruce for a few hours, and perhaps I shall transplant it into text on the interweb someday, but until then, just take my word for it. And now I'm off to the theater building yet again, which I have left for only fifteen minutes since about eight this morning, and shall not leave again until eight tonight, because everything for some reason has come down to this moment, this week. Everything happens right now, and that kinda sucks. On the other hand, the weekend is soon, and I am almost going home again, for nice restful spells of doing nothing at all. Wonderful. Well, thank you for entertaining conjecture of a time, it has been fun, and when I type I can take as long as I want to put down the next thing, and no one is the wiser. If only I weren't so damn nervous all of the time. Ridiculous, a nervous actor. It angers me greatly. Perhaps I can draw upon that for this next scene. And thus the cycle continues.

So here I am again, sitting in my lonely dorm room in Denton. Woot. I suppose. I just realized that I have spent the last several months here and now I grow weary of seeing the same things everyday, and it is definitely time for an extended vacation. Until then however I have a lot of theater work to do, such as memorize this fancy book over here. Well, you can't see it, but just try and memorize the rest of the stuff on this page, in about four hours. As for staying up tonight, I am still divided on that issue, although if it takes me any longer, the choice will be made for me. Oh well, it seems that it has, and tonight will be another painful night of waiting for Art Six to open. Until then, I will waste a lot of time, and maybe look at Henry V a few times. Who knows. Well, I'm out of here, everyone have themselves a peachy old-timey time.

Ah, yes, another glorious day in El Paso. Had some turkey with some crazy Germans who didn't seem to quite understand what was going on, but instead had a nice conversation about car import regulations. Then I spent the rest of the night up the street, and watched a very good old movie along with some crazy television. And all I could think about the whole time is how much I love this place, and how much I love these people. It is crazy how you just don't know what you have until it is taken away. I can't wait to go on Christmas break. Tomorrow I will drop of some film and sit around memorizing things, that way when auditions and performance time rolls around, everything will be all good. And indeed. It is all good.

Ah, to be home again. Damn I love it here. I wake up in the plane about thirty feet from the ground, and I look over out the window and there is Mexico. Aaron and Holly are asleep on the seats next to me, so I just sit there and watch home come closer. It was wonderful. The Jeep seemed a bit shaky, but I think I am just getting used to it again. A wonderfully cold night tonight, made the first Jeep drive in over three months very excellent. Nothing sums up a good time in El Paso more than that three AM Jeep drive through the freezing cold. No top on, the windows all steamed up, it was excellent. I arrive at home and have a pretzel and sit here at the computer, just trying to figure out what I am doing here. Finally got to see Kristen again, it has been a while, and we had a good night watching public access television, a random assortment of cultural works, such as orchestral music and scenes from plays and operas. Excellent. And now I am home, sitting at my desk, and all I want to do is get in my car, go and pick up Kristen and have a crazy drive around the town in the cold. Damn I love being home right now.

So here I am in Plano. While the setting may be different the situation is all too similar. Another night of staying up because I just couldn't find a reason to do otherwise. I seem to be getting used to it. As long as I get a few hours of sleep sometime every twenty-four hours or so I'll be fine. This trend shouldn't continue, but realistically it will only get worse during finals week, when I know that if I go to sleep I won't wake up in time to take my tests. Hell, I thought I wasn't going to wake up in time to catch a flight today until Aaron showed up and got me out of bed again, and that would have been about nineteen hours later. Ah sleep, I really do miss it, the precious few hours I got yesterday during the day were continually interpreted by a variety of things ranging from banging on the door to phone calls. Blasted people and their constant desire to see me. It's like a freakin mob is chasing me around trying to tear a bit of my clothes off so all of their hillbilly cousins can worship it. Well, that only happened once, so I suppose that doesn't really count as superstar status. Oh well. And now for a nice nap on the couch. Well, maybe a stroll outside in the freezing wind to cool off, then a cigarette, and then a nap, if I can't find anything else to do on the internet. Woot, El Paso or bust!

Well, here I am. I am not quite sure how long I've been awake now, but I could probably go on for at least another few hours. On the other hand, I am completely done with anything that I have to do for the next couple of days, since I won't be doing anything, and could easily just crawl into bed until about five o'clock tomorrow afternoon, when, hopefully, my Aaron shows up to take me to the airport. I made a few observations today as I sat on random benches across campus looking sort of like a discarded husk with smoke coming out of me. Well no, I was soaking wet almost all day, because everytime I stepped outside, it began to pour, except for when I got my mail, which leads me to believe that clouds like to play Paranoia, so they stopped for a while to make sure my new book didn't get wet. But anyway, I noticed that people have very strange ways of trying to avoid puddles, which, in the end, prove utterly futile. There is the light step, which results in the entire foot being submerged in water when they put weight on it (apparently everyone thinks they have had ballet training and are, sadly, mistaken) then there are the ones who try and jump, and those are the best, because they usually result in very large splashes, which causes someone else to lose the concentration they are focusing ever so intently on their little step, which then also fails. Either way, once everyone gets across it begins to pour again, just so that the rain can let everyone know whose boss. Then, I was just sitting there, minding my own business, when the sun just pops out of the clouds and punches me in the face, and damn did it hurt. I haven't seen the sun in about two weeks now (it's been very cloudy, I'm not a vampire or anything) and as a result I cannot look at anything brighter then a sixty watt bulb without it making my eyes bleed. And now I'm going to put on an episode of sliders, lay down in bed, and drift off to sleep. Although, what I would really like is a massage, because after spending two nights in a row making sure the Dutch win their independence in South America and doing lots of Russian homework, my back is killing me. So ladies, if your looking for an excuse to come over and rub me while I'm passed out, now is the time to do it.

Possible topics for today's post include: The lies women tell and why, the ramifications of telling anyone anything, or the good stand-by, staying up all night! Seeing as how I have discussed the first two in detail with my hetero-life-mate Tim, we will skip on to everyone's favorite: incoherent babble from beyond the alarm clock! The worst part would have to be when you go outside, and it's still pretty dark, clouds loom in the sky, and you just can't figure out whether it is evening or morning, and either way it would be nice to just crawl into bed. However, that is not an option. There are many things to do today! Luckily my old timey DOS games began to crash a few hours ago, so I did write some of those theater papers, although they take so damn long, just because it's hard to come up with character histories when you are trying to memorize four other things at the same time. But I suppose nighttime is the right time for BS, and because of that, character/script analysis are complete! Now if I could just find whatever random notebook I scribbled down my monologue critiques in, I'd be all set. On top of all of this it is almost time to go home for Thanksgiving, so there isn't really too much more I want to do. So lets break down today shall we? A few cigarettes to keep me awake and active, some random typings mocked up to look like actual work, perhaps a few rounds planning the Dutch War of Independence in South America, (gotta get those muzzles loaded boys, so take off those clogs and get to work!) dragging myself down the street for Voice class, where I am hoping that delightful British woman is still substituting or I may actually have to do something today, and I'm just not up for it at all. After that I may take a math test, depending on how quickly I can cram my calculator full of formulas, and then a performance test, by which time I will have totally lost it. In steps the Giant Russian Workbook, proclaiming something about freedom of the workers, but at the same time making me write all sorts of things inside of it, and I'm just not looking for that kind of relationship with printed material right now. Throw in some coffee and a few more cigarettes and hey, you have a wonderful day of being really fucking tired. So, I will probably be back here sometime today, seeing as how when I have a lot to do, this is all that actually gets done, but it's just because I love the internet so damn much, I feel the need to add my own however many words this is in. And though no one may like what I have to say, you can't do anything about it, because this is America! Well, at least for now, looks like W is putting on his giant smashing boots and is soon going to come tearing up a little something called EVERY FREEDOM WE HAVE! But hey, if no one can talk, it makes it that much harder for people to lie to you, even when you ask them over and over again if they are telling the truth. I guess it is just good training. Take the pain and feelings of betrayal and stuff them in your actor's toolbox, sit on top of it until they suffocate, and then give a big smile and yell at everyone in the audience in hopes of a callback. And.... scene!

Alright, so I've gotten to the post box like ten times already, but I keep getting distracted by something else, but now I have decided to finally write something. Today was a pretty good day. Except for voice. There is nothing I hate more then waking up in the morning for my one class on friday, one measly stinking hour, and finding out it's been canceled. The worst part is, if I had decided not to go today, it wouldn't have been canceled, we probably would have done something very important instead. I was also the only one who was there, which leads me to believe that someone didn't tell me something, or I forgot to read the syllabus. I don't know, I don't have time for all these questions! Anyway, after that I just went and passed out some more, then wandered back down to the theater building at about four, luckily caught Ted before he left, managed to weasel myself into two work hours for about ten minutes of standing around looking at a spotlight, so that's pretty good, I am actually within throwing distance of being done with all my hours. Not wimpy girl throwing distance, but pretty close. Anyway, after that I come home and get a message from Sara, whom I had met on DeviantART (my page, her page) and since she wasn't doing anything that night, I invited her to attend the UNT production of Once Upon a Mattress, which was fun, and we got in for free since I knew all of the ushers. Wonderful, nothing like a free night out with a lady. So anyway, good show, we went and grabbed a cup of coffee at the superb Art Six Coffeehouse (anyone in Denton, go there now, and then again sometime between December 6th and January 2nd, so you can see my work on display, plus they need the money, plus their coffee is exquisite) sat around, talked for a bit, and walked home. Then I decided to go have a cigarette out back where I ran into some people who were pretty cool and ended up smoking the hookah with them, while lady after lady from the theater department came out and rubbed my head in approval of my new haircut. So all in all, an excellent night. Unfortunately, I seem to be the only one that stays up past midnight lately, you big wusses, so I couldn't get a hold of anyone on the phone to share this wonderful night with, but it was all good. Now for the rest of the weekend I get to write many many theater papers for Lorenzo which are way too late. I will be very angry if I end up getting a C in that class, because it will be by a few points, and that will mean I would have to take it again, and that is just not acceptable, seeing as how it seems I will be in school for about six years already. Ah well, good times all around. Now it's time for some chips and salsa, maybe a movie, and then a nice giant bout of sleep. I have no commitments tomorrow, although Sara may call if she gets bored, so that should be pretty good. Woot, Ain't life wonderful?

So today was very very cool. Had a great rehearsal with Jessica and Dr. Garcia, hung out with Tommy for a while, rode around in the back of a truck like all those crazy lunch times with a truck full of mexicans. Good times. Then I talked to the artistic director at the Art House, and they have decided to display some of my work. I really like that place, very nice, comfy couches, good coffee, some nice stuff hanging on the walls. Excellent. And now it's time to slip into my beautiful bed, and drift off into some good sleep on my wonderful futon. Mmmm, warmth.

For those of you that don't know, my favorite new browser just released version version 1.0. Click the link to get it, it's awesome!

So it has come to my attention that life is not funny. It is not fucking hilarious. In fact, smiles are evil. Laughter kills babies. Life is to be met with a frown and a cynical attitude. Any deviation from this is to be punished by repeated bitching from everyone else. If someone is having too much fun just living life, point it out to them, and tell them how it makes them a bad person, how they aren't growing in the right direction, how they need to become more mature. The last time I checked, most old people are crazy and having a good old time, because life is fun to them. And to little kids, they have fun too, life is funny. So why all the bullshit inbetween? Well, it is what keeps the crappy music industry going, it gives everyone an excuse to act like a dumbass, dress all in black, cry about every little unimportant trifling matter that threatens to upset your delicate little life, and generally make sure everyone is miserable. Well I would hate to break it to you, but life is fucking hilarious, and if you can't see that your just a damn fool.

A world like George Orwell's 1984 has always frightened me, mostly because of a concept discussed within the pages of the book called unhistory. What happens with the practice of unhistory is this: The end result of anything would cause an adjusting of history, as well as a justification of older thoughts and actions, even if those actions were based on something entirely different. For example, let us say, in a hypothetical situation, the United States were to enter into World War II because of the threat to American business interests in Europe. However, while parading around through Europe they come across some concentration camps, and liberate the people therein. Then, at the end of the war, they manipulate the information to make it look like they went into the war solely as a humanitarily concerned nation looking our for the well being of the population of the world. This works in the long run, and will eventually come to be accepted as the truth, but it does not work right away. It doesn't work on the people that were there, the people in charge of these decisions. People who know better simply because they were involved, they said themselves that this is why, and this is what will happen. You can change the past, but it means alienating the segment of the population that lived through it. Luckily they are usually very easy to deal with, you either ignore them and go along your merry little way happy with the fact that they will die before you do, or you attempt to hammer the new history into these people. That doesn't always work. But hey, if it makes you feel better, and if it justifies the things you are saying now, I suppose unhistory has fulfilled it's purpose. To fuck people over. It is a good way to make the same mistake over and over again. It is also a good way to make sure other people do the same thing, so you aren't alone in your foolish ideas of what has happened. Isn't it wonderful when we can draw upon our literary knowledge and use it in our everyday lives? Especially when the terms had to do with a ficticious totalitatian government bent on controlling every aspect of our lives!

I think I may have ruined digital music for myself. I was leeching off of the iTunes network earlier today, and noticed just how shitty some songs sound in certain formats and bitrates. Now I'm not some audiophile who insists that the only true way to listen to music is fully analog vinyl recordings. Well, I do think that, but it isn't the only way. Anyway, I urge everyone that makes mp3's to put a bit of quality in them, I mean, considering that you can get a huge harddrive for like fifty bucks now means no one has the size constraints that we did a few years ago, and in my opinion, a small file full of low quality music takes up more space then a large full featuring the full rich fidelity that we have all come to expect from today's modern sound systems. So please, save the music. Otherwise I'll have to buy them myself because of how upset I will be that they sound terrible.

Well, today was a good day for me. I slept from two in the afternoon until about three thirty in the morning, smoked the hookah out back with some guy named Jessie, then checked my portfolio, my investments had, for the first time, all moved into the green. Then I remembered that I had been promised a free twenty dollars at my favorite online casino, installed, played for a while, and ended up with $850.21. A very good day all around. I have already cashed it out, so there is no risk of me losing it, which means that I can now pay my credit cards, and also pick up a thing or two on the side for myself. Well, not really for myself, more like my paranoia players. But anyway, it has been a wonderful day, and I have only been awake for about an hour. Best Saturday so far this semester. Then again, that isn't too hard, because I'm usually pretty down on friday nights when everyone leaves and there simply isn't anything for me to do anymore. But that is not the case here. Now I am going to go have a lucky strike cigarette. And then get hit by a bus, who knows, perhaps this day will still go badly, but no! I refuse to believe. Now to get bundled up, because it's about forty degrees outside. Cold.

In a shocking new development, the borders in North America have been redrawn, and countries renamed to better reflect the current political environment.

Now I don't usually like to simply post links, but this one sums up how I feel pretty nicely, thanks go to Tim, who has been scouring the internet in a desperate search for answers, but all he got back in return was proof of the utter stupidity of America. Enjoy.

http://alternet.org/election04/20406/

Ah yes, another wonderful friday night. This one was actually alright. I go to sleep until about three today, had an amazing rehearsal session with Dr. Garcia, which left me feeling very good about my performance piece in general, and then went to see a play that night. A day full of theater is a day that anyone can enjoy. However, theater and drama are not the same thing. Like anything I post here, the post about my previous relationships came back and bit me in the ass. Well, not too hard, since I was done with lunch and simply left, although I was oddly fascinated with rubbing my fingertips together very quickly. It's all about realizing motion people. Other then that I am pretty much very very boring. I sit around in my room, by myself, and play video games. Every now and then Jon shows up, and he is more boring then I am, because he shows up in the hopes that I will be able to think of something for him to do. That never really happens, unless I need to go somewhere, and then he gets to drive his car, which seems to be enough entertainment for him. I have yet to figure out what I am doing for Halloween, but trick-or-treating in the bible belt probably isn't the best idea. Oh I just remembered, I will be hanging lights from nine in the morning until five in the evening that day, so I will probably just come home, do some russian homework, get turned on by the incredible sexiness of the language, and pass out. But at least I would be getting something done that way. And because of that it will be a good day! This is of course a drastic departure from what I usually say, about how days where I do nothing are good days, and those are still good days as well, however, it feels much better to get something done. Especially when it's something you like to do and have to do, and will be graded on, and all of the classes you ever want to take in the future have doing electrical work of some kind as their prerequisite, although any makeup job that requires electrical knowledge I, as an actor, would shy away from, because that just sounds painful.

Having successfully completed GMing my first game of Paranoia, I am left with a craving for more. I suppose that is a good thing. Introducing Thomas was a good idea, he added a nice bit of chaos to the otherwise still all too cooperative troubleshooter team. I am worried slightly that I may have given them too much information, but they took some prodding to get moving in the direction they were supposed to go. Other then that, I think it all went pretty well. Now I just have to get my ass in gear and whip out another campaign for everyone. So I predict the next game of Paranoia will take place in a few years, because we all know that when I really set my mind to do something, it still rarely gets done anytime soon.

Well, I made it through the day, although it didn't quite go as I planned. I slept for a few hours after I got out of performance, and then was hoping to run a Paranoia game, but Aaron couldn't pull himself away from City of Heroes. Damn that game and it's being so very good. Not only did I miss out on a chance to do a very large mission I've been wanting to do for a while, but there was no gaming of the tabletop variety either. Hopefully tomorrow, and I'll be all set and ready to go as soon as everyone shows up. Excellent. So now I'm off to bed, it looks so inviting and warm, it's going to be wonderful.

Man do I love living here. I may have mentioned it before, but I really do. Today I walked outside to have a cigarette and talk to the few people I know that live far far away, and there are just a couple of guys sitting across the road, playing jazz. It gave such a wonderful atmosphere to the whole night. Of course I ran back inside and grabbed my camera, because they just gave off such cool silhouettes there in front of the psychology building. It was excellent. Other then that the day was pretty uneventful, on account of the fact that I slept until four today, which wasn't a very good idea because I probably could have used the review for my Russian test on thursday. Oh well, it will probably be alright. Tomorrow is also Paranoia day! Ah, the great joys of running a game of your own, the entertainment, the power, the getting to know what is going to happen and laughing with delight when your players wander into a trap, and of course the power. I have decided to stay up all night tonight, because I need to write a production review for my performance class, and also because I'm simply not tired, and this is the only thing I know of that actually fixes that problem. So we shall see how today goes.

So the spontaneous bitchification of all my ex-ladies continues unabated. From what I can gather from the situation, they were all just putting up with my obnoxious personality and in-your-face humor, possibly because I'm just so damn sexy, or possibly because it was easier. Either way, it seems yet another friendship is slowly and painfully making it's way toward the end. Wonderful. Interestingly enough, on this scale, my best relationship to date would be the one with Aubrey, which I considered for a long time to be merely something I did because I was feeling cocky enough to put the moves on her. That and to make fun of Joe. That is always worth doing almost anything. But anyway, this post will continue the up and down nature of my blog over the last few weeks. It seems I am not allowed to have more then one or two happy posts in a row. That would just not be okay. As we all know (or don't, whatever) this will hardly be the last discussion about this subject, since I am just too damn stubborn to give up, and I still place at least a little value in the year or so that we spent together. Anyway, I have to get ready for performance, so I'm going to go put on some fancier pants and look over my lines, I just had to get this down before the damn IRS kicks in and rationalizes things away to the point of not being able to explain them properly.

Ah yes, the joys of Bruce at night. Random food left out in a wondrous display of community sharing, random strange people wandering the halls at all hours, and of course, the main course of any late night session of smoking out back, the drunks. They will gladly eat the food you hadn't given a second thought to, and entertain you with their rambling stories and physical comedy. Whether or not any of this is intentional adds a certain element of mystery to the entire equation, a wonderful, general confused feeling is sure to be shared by all. The laughter the overtakes everyone as they attempt to open the one and only door that remains locked at all times, and blank stares received after everything that is being said. Replace this blankness with genuine over-excited interest, followed by another story arcing away in a radical tangent, followed by more maniacal laughter as a member of this merry band of entertainers has several bits of cold quesadilla thrown at them, followed by a hungry consuming of said fake mexican staple. This my friends encompasses the joys of living at Bruce, at least at night. During the day all the normals come out of their beds and yell into large metal items to make sure you cannot enjoy the precious few hours you get to dream of something else, such as good old times, or the random hot chick you passed on your way to class the day before. All grows quiet as a lone saxophone lays down a cool track for your walk to the library to pick up more music to 'temporarily store as a backup on your harddrive' or stumble back from your recent 'donation' at the plasma bank. And what is it all for? To simply enjoy a few nerdy laughs over some comic books or perhaps an entertaining game of the tabletop variety. Yes, when you learn to appreciate these small things, the world truly is a wonderful place to live. And people say nothing ever happens after last call.

Yet another friday night spent in the usual way, sitting around trying to figure out what to do, and then everyone crashing out early, leaving me sitting here in my room, listening to music by myself. I seem to remember doing more then this in the past, but I'm not entirely sure what. Oh well, I guess this is a good time to go over my Paranoia book and take some notes on the next session. But first, it's time to go outside and get some fresh air. And have a cigarette (yeah, I know, they kind of cancel each other out, but hey, better then smoking in here.) I have been blacking out several pages of the player's section that I have decided to give to my citizens, seeing as how they have just achieved the glamorous security clearance of RED. That entitles them to a little bit more information to help their confusion. Get worse. The player's guide is nice, it saves me from having to answer a bunch of questions, and really sets up the mood of carnage that I am looking for. Can't wait to see what will happen in the next session. Anyway, I'm off to the outside, because sharpies hurt my brain.

Woot, Walmart. Finally got something to drink, I now have five cases of water sitting by my fridge, so I think I'm set for a while. Also, delicious and smooth soy milk, I like the way it runs down my throat, I could probably just drink the whole carton at once, but that would be wasteful. I also decided that since I have never been very good at ordinary Trivial Pursuit, I should give the 90's edition a try, since hey, I was around for all of the nineties. Excellent. Other then that the day was a waste, although I am about to go to an emergency first/last rehearsal for something I have to perform tomorrow. That should go well. Anyway, don't wish me luck (since it's bad luck, for those of you who don't know) and I shall see you when the curtain closes once more.

So I haven't posted in a while, and I was looking through some of my older stuff, and I realized that a lot of my posts begin with the word so. I wonder why? I guess I just feel like in between my posts there has been a lull in the conversation, and the way to start that up on a new subject is to begin with so. Excellent. Today I ushered for Another Part of the House yet again. Three nights in a row of ushering is nice because it gets them out of the way, but it is a lot of time to have to kill each night. On the plus side I managed to read the entirety of The Catcher in the Rye last night, which was an excellent book. Unfortunately being in the theater building for so long means you invariably run into someone who just keeps talking about themselves. That's what happened tonight. So I'm sitting there just trying to memorize my lines, while some chick at the concession stand just goes on and on about how great your old community college was, and how much harder the classes were, and how many shows she's been in, and she just loves working with kids, and she stage managed everything she wasn't cast in. Fantastic. You like it so much, go on back there, and quit taking up space and rolls here. I later on had a conversation with her outside while smoking a cigarette. It wasn't really much of a conversation though, it was just here telling us stories of everything she has ever done, and how much she loves gay people, and all her friends back in Houston. Blah blah blah. Man, I really hate theater people. At least the shitty ones, because there are, of course, some very cool theater people. Unfortunately they seem to be in short supply around here. But low and behold, when something ruins your day, something else will come along to make it a bit better. I was sitting in my room listing the precious few things I have here on eBay in an attempt to make up for my inability to donate plasma this week, and I here a group of women coming down the hall singing their hearts out. Naturally these were the same loud women that I had known for some time now, gallivanting around the hallways making a general nuisance of themselves. So I pop my head out to say hello, and they stop by and chat for a bit, which was nice. I may be going crazy and just reading into things too much, but it seems like a lot of women are either putting the moves on me, or just being real nice. Anyway, one of them seemed real nervous and shy, which is strange, because I talked to her all the time last year in movement, and even a few days before that. Perhaps she just remembered how drop dead sexy I looked when I ripped my shirt off and giggled the entire room. Not entirely bad, at least I was using the whole space. I'm quite proud of myself, the intro to this story could have easily shot off into a tangent about why I can't donate plasma this week, but I managed to stay on task. So now it's time for that story. I wake up on Wednesday with terrible pains, pains that I know all too well as punishment for having a big cheeseburger the night before. So I writhe in agony in my bed for a while, which doesn't really do me any good. I put on some pants and went to the wellness center, and they put me on those wonderful pain meds, which made it very hard to convince my muscles to do what I was telling them during Yoga in performance that day. Alas, they are a morphine derivative and therefore would come up as a big positive on an opiate screening in the plasma center, so I am out about eighty bucks because of this whole thing. It was a damn good Ultimate Cheeseburger though. And now I sit here, half memorized for my rehearsal tomorrow, trying to get Jon to get out of bed, since it is only midnight, and take my to Walmart like he should. Lazy bastard, I need several bottles of water and a stapler. Oh well, I can always go and play some video games that I haven't beaten yet.

Oh yeah, a big Happy Birthday shout out to Tim.

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THE SEXIEST MAN ALIVE!
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Everyone here on the internet was thinking it, I'm just the first to say it. Congrats buddy, one more year till fun becomes legal, and then it's not really fun anymore is it? The only thing I have to say to you is keep your senses up for a package soon to be slung your way. Live life the fullest man, or at least do all that crazy work you seem to always be doing.

So... Very.... Close.... I have recently signed up my brother for a freeipods account (of course he doesn't know, but I'm sure he'll be alright with it) So I am now a scant one referral away from finally having a sweet piece of hardware to sport around school like all the cool kids. But seriously, by now it is really just a matter of proving that it does indeed work. So onward to more/less important things. Due to my habit of taking a nap around six every evening, I woke up at eight this morning, and actually got some things done. It wasn't so bad at all. Built a bad box to send Tim's birthday present in, and put up my rear speakers, then knocked them down several times. I went to a staged reading that was unfortunately completely unattended, for the most part, and then got out of a rehearsal because the third member of our little band of thespians had a bad lunch break, whatever that means (women, could be anything) I also recently got my prints in the mail, so if anyone wants something semi-decent, not to toot my own horn, to hang on their wall, head on over to my prints gallery and pick up something nice. Well, I have made it this far despite being up for so very long today, but I think it's time to move all the crap on my bed somewhere else and crash out. Woot.

Another week is almost over. Well, not really, it is only Wednesday, but when you look at the class spread throughout the week, most of them are finished with. I have recently taken up the habit of strolling around campus late at night and taking pictures of things, probably mostly just to use my new remote. Wonderful piece of equipment, although it would be nice if it worked from any direction as opposed to just from the front, which is where I usually don't want to be, because if all I took pictures of was myself, my photography would get really boring really fast. So anyway, it turns out I am a major sucker for comics, and can usually be convinced to buy several more books then I originally intended as long as the right person makes the recommendation, and so far, he has yet to steer me wrong. So my box is quickly filling up, and my plasma money goes very rapidly from Biolife, to me, to Treasure Aisle. The circle of life continues. Well, it's way too late and I have a literature test tomorrow, so I'm going to go crash out.

Ah yes, another sunday to monday all-nighter. This one isn't so bad, because very loud thunder and rain began right around four in the morning, which would have made it hard to sleep anyway. I come before you today to urge everyone to join the National Association of Railroad Passengers. Now, I know we are all very poor, but it's for such a damn good cause. So yeah, check it out, maybe write a few letters to get your local train service some nice goverment dollars, and join up with these guys, and we'll all take the train to a happier place. Anyway, here is the link again.

So in an effort to get more pointless internet attention, I have decided to upload some of my photography to deviantART. It is a great site, you just have to ignore a lot of goth/crappy photography sometimes. But there is some excellent stuff on their otherwise. Have a look here. I have once again stayed up all night, but it doesn't really matter it's the weekend. I'm out of here now, but take a look, it's a good site to just browse around on. Never know what you'll find.

The rain crashing down wakes me from my uneasy slumber, pounding on the windows. The room is hot, too hot, the air conditioner having given up on cooling and instead insists on giving the noise of the downpour a way into the room. A few people huddle around the door, a futile attempt to stay dry. As I stroll around campus, the emptiness is very real, a few shadows move in the hazy distance, but turn out to be nothing but the wind playing with the shadows. The slight drizzle runs down my back and rivers of water flow from the brim of my hat as a cloud of smoke floats into the troubled red sky. I circle around the building, taking in the sights on this night where I own the world. The doorstep is empty when I return from my trip, the people having retreated inside into their warm beds. I open the door to my room, and the beam of light from the hallway illuminates my typewriter, sitting quietly under the bed. I smile as I peel off my dripping clothes, and hop into the warm embrace of my bed and drift off to a wonderful dream.

Thirty-one hours. That was the final tally of how long I managed to stay awake, without so much as a five minute nap, even during the worst, most boring portions of performance. After a nice eleven hours of sleep, I am back on top of my game, and plan on having another wonderful night's sleep tonight. If anyone is looking for an excellent comic book, I highly recommend The Losers, it's very good. I read it last night, because for some reason around ten thirty I was no longer tired, so I decided to quickly take some Alluna and pass out before I lost the ability to do so. I recently purchased Tim's birthday gift, so now I just need to mail it, and to everyone else, ha, I beat you to it, so find something else to get him. Anyway, it's about time to go bleed for money while trying to memorize a few more lines for tomorrow's scene work.

So I decided to stay up all night to make sure I went to voice class, and of course, I didn't need to be there today. If only I had gone on Friday to pick up the schedule of individual work times, I would have known that. So now I am sitting here, quickly fading away, with much too much aggression flying around the room. Unfortunately, my original plan was to go to sleep earlier tonight, in order to get some work done and return to a normal sleeping schedule, and thanks to the incessant yelling of my roommate, and Jon's ever present afro of red, that should carry through, although it won't be very comfortable, seeing as how even know I can feel my fingers growing weak and losing sensation. Now I can break them without having to feel it. Yeah! What other fun things can we think of while asleep, but for some reason still typing? How about going to Performance? Yeah, that sounds good. I'm off to Performance.

So everything is going great, I'm going to bed at a reasonable hour, although a slight worry crosses my mind as I realize that Aaron hasn't come home yet. Oh well, turn out the light and hit the sack. Three o'clock rolls around, and Hey, I'm Aaron, I'm short and Jewish and loud. Let's go smoke several cigarettes and stay up playing City of Heroes for a few more hours until we all pass out and don't go to class the next day, and the day after that for the same reason. Luckily that didn't happen, so here I am, wasting time (in City of Heroes) until Voice. I am also slowly going insane, which always adds an extra layer of fun to the wacky world of theatre.

So yeah, all weekend I was down in San Antonio, which was fun, and somewhat uneventful, which is a welcome change of pace from all the crazy garbage I usually have to go through to travel anywhere. Also, Sky Captain is the most badass movie ever. It definitely ranks up there among my favorite movies ever. So everyone go see it, hopefully I will go sometime this week, and everyone is invited. Exquisite. Then a rousing game of Adventure, which gleefully also included zeppelins, followed by some sneaking around and comic book purchases. Got to see Rob for a while, which was great because he was so messed up all he really did was tell me some story about how "getting super blazed" is better then "sex with bitches," all the while snapping his fingers all over the place, just to flaunt his fantastic abilities to snap his fingers. A nice long sleep and some yelling shrouded in the mystery of dreary afternoon rousings from the bed, some dinner, a short stroll along the airport terminal, and I return to my home here in Denton, only to find that the Soviet flag has once again fallen off the wall in my absence. Fear not, for as heavy as a hammer and sickle can be, a small tack can easily lift them up to their glorious position above my computer. Goodnight you workers of coal mines, you faceless soldiers of the red army.

Once again it has been a while, but I have been so very busy lately. Classes take up lots of time, then the work for those classes (there is a lot of it if you actually do it) and then the mandatory sitting around and doing nothing, which doesn't really result in the best blog material. I did however run into an interesting gentlemen the other day, who was very excited about eating dinner on sunday night. He kept jumping around and saying things like: "I'm gonna eat the shit outta that pasta!" He then proceeded to load up two plates of food and skipped off happily to scarf it down, and then he returned and once again got much too excited considering it was just old cafeteria pasta, served on a slow sunday night when there are no other options so you can't really complain, because if you do, you may actually have to pay for your food that night, and no one likes paying for things when they could get it for free. I will accept almost any inferior product so long as it's free. Why not right? Now the one area this doesn't always apply to is women. Free women are sometimes much easier then women who are not free, and who are we kidding, we all love a challenge every now and then right? Right. Well, not always, but hey, women sometimes bring out rather strange sides in us all. Especially other women. To quote my new favorite professor, Dr. Garcia, or Lorenzo (and yes his name should be italicized) "You have to be a real fucking bitch, get up in their face and smash it in" Then he kicks over a chair and instantly puts a big smile on his face. "Ohkay? Right." So very entertaining, it makes performance have that extra in your face side that keeps me awake for the ungodly long two and a half hours I have to spend there, when all I really want is a nice nap. And maybe some new comic books, those are nice. Well, I have another barrage of classes to stand up against early tomorrow morning, and seeing as how I spent most of my free time today doing the work for these classes, I am going to bed so that I get up early enough to go to them. Hurray for learning!

In my ongoing quest for a chia pet I ran across this little web page. I will take responsibility and properly dispose of my chia pet when the time comes.

Ah yes, the weekend, a time to relax and waste time, do a little catching up on homework, or build up a multi-million dollar transportation network. All admirable tasks, although that last one has kept me going all night, and when victory finally came I took a stroll outside to calm myself and prepare for a wonderful slumber. Much to my surprise there was a woman sitting directly outside of my door reading a book. The man in me immediately came up with several very intriguing situations where this could be turned to my advantage, however, the kinder, gentler me won the inner-monologue battle and I decided to simply wish her a good night upon my return to my chambers. The flag is now up, which brings a nice touch to the room that it has been missing, since before then the walls were completely bare. Plasma donation is wonderful because it supports all of my nerdly habits, such as City of Heroes and comic books. Also, it may eventually result in me purchasing some Paranoia material. Oh yeah, make sure not to read any of that though, that would ruin all the of carnage-filled fun. Tomorrow it's off to the library to get some actual work done, and I should probably rearrange all of the trash I've put on Aaron's bed so that he won't see it, or at least be able to curl around it to get some sleep. Sleep. That does sound good. Mr. Hoppy!

Oh the weary weeks continues. Monday off was nice, although all it did was prevent me from going to all of my theater classes (you know, the ones I'm actually here for) more then once this week. Far too little sleep, but it's been good. Had a cool conversation with a fellow PC game lover just now, and it has rekindled my love of great games. The kind of stuff that sends chills down your spine and make you yell at your computer until everyone thinks your completely insane. Well if it's insane to celebrate the retaking of the homeland, then by god, everyone should be insane! I shouldn't even be here now, but I'm all excited and not too sleepy, so I figured I would come here and share that wonderful feeling with everyone. The assassination game begins soon, so watch your back, for in the end, there can be only one. And it won't be me, but I'll take down a few of those bastards along the way. My free Ipod comes ever closer, and now I just need one more person, so Tim, if you see this, your my man. You go out there, go long, and I'll make sure you score with some cheerleaders after the game. Besides, Kristen will be all liquored up on her birthday, so I'm sure she'll agree to it. Exquisite. Pictures coming soon of the madness of free buritto day. It just piles up. I sure do love it though. The pile is such a basic form of anything, so natural, so chaotic. Almost sensual. Well, not really. Piles of stuff doesn't usually bring about my more amorous side. There are some very bad piles out there. Now for tea and wonderful sleep.

Well, lots of ups and down lately. So here is the final game plan: I will go to San Antonio, using some of the money ACAG is getting. That's about it actually, not quite sure why that needed clearing up, but anyway, now no one will have any questions. So I spent several glorious hours today sitting in the basement of our wonderfully huge library studying acting and Russian. And what have I learned from it all? First, acting is what I will always do. It's a part of my life, and it is a part of everyone's life, they just don't realize it. Second, Cyrillic is a badass alphabet. Russian is going to be a lot of fun, because I have picked up being able to read it in about two hours. Of course, the vocabulary is also important, but I'm in this 110%, and our best 5 year plan predictions indicate the quotas for learning will be met. Victory to the red party!

Be fearful of the falling leaf! For surely if it can crush this mighty concrete on which we plod back and forth each day, it can decimate your puny head full of foolish ideas!

So I've decided to go to San Antonio anyway. How you ask? By taking the cost of a plane ticket out of the money I was going to give to ACAG. They can simply work for the rest. Besides, it's still more money then they had. And this way I get to go down there. Excellent. Of course, I will probably here about it in the form of complaints now, as opposed to thanks earlier, but eh, it's a price I'm willing to pay.

Illness is truly a terrible thing. I woke up this morning a mess of clogged openings, except for my nose, which chose to randomly let stuff out every now and then. Wonderful. After a grueling six hours of class all in a nice little row, I went home and simply passed out for a few hours. That was fun, aside from the odd flashes of spider web being shot around the room and way too much super hero lingo. And because of this terrible feeling I couldn't go buy new comic books today. And I happen to like comic books. Oh well. I'm going to go to bed, thankfully I only have one class tomorrow, and should be done before eleven, and then it's off to bed again. Crazy weekend lifestyle, here I come. I hope you have some cough syrup for me.

So I've decided that I can't afford to go down to San Antonio in the next few weeks even with the plasma money. But it's alright, doesn't seem to make too much of a difference to anybody. It will be strange, since I tend to go down there for any excuse I can find, but it just doesn't seem as urgent anymore. There will always be the next break, and it's not like anything will be any different, so there is no rush to do anything. Been hanging around the back of the building a lot so I have been running into all kinds of strange people. Which is nice, at least everyone is pretty cool around here. I have a few random stories about the crazy music students that just blew me away with their crazy music theory discussions. Until then, another glass of the best root beer ever, and I'm off to bed for my early class tomorrow.

Here we have my exquisite meal, fueling my never ceasing quest to sit around and do nothing.

Well, the last few days have had quite a few crazy moments in them, and far too little sleep. Wednesday morning I wake up at around ten, quickly eat some of my favorite breakfast food, mass-produced eggs, and hop in the car and start driving south. Destination: San Antonio. Everything is going well, and around Austin I see a hitchhiker along the side of the road, and having never picked up one before, I decide, hey why not. He's a pretty cool old man, been all over the place, has lots of stories and such. I drop him off outside of San Antonio and he thanks me and all that jazz, good times. I hang out in San Antonio for a night, stay up way too late, and then in the morning have my traditional last cigarette, which is always way too early for a regular cigarette, and hop in the car for the insane ten hour drive home, which is always bad, especially on only six hours of sleep. However, the illusion of not going to San Antonio is further assisted by the fact that Ken decided to buy me a tank of gasoline in exchange for bringing home one of Kristen's suitcases full of stuff. I barely make it past the intersection of I-10 and I-20 before I run out of gas, but luckily there are plenty of gas stations around anyway, so all is well. I get into El Paso around six, and then just sort of laze around the house for a few hours, and go watch some Olympics with Jacqui. The next day I have decided to take Sebastian to lunch, and Whit comes along, so that was fun. Hang out with Mrs. Allison for a while, and then I figure I have a few hours to kill before my flight leaves, so I go over to Jacqui's house and hang out with her mom. So we are sitting there, smoking, and I figure maybe I should check to see exactly when my flight leaves. 2:15! But it's one already! Shit I gotta go. *Takes a few more drags* Alright, spray me with something, alright, alright, thank you for everything, have a good year, and I'll see you over Thanksgiving. Haul ass home, hop in the shower so that I won't smell so terrible, throw some pants on, rip the Soviet flag off of the wall, toss everything in a suitcase and make a few desperate phone calls to beg for rides before my phone's battery dies. My mom comes home, we jump in the car and race over to the airport. Unfortunately, my bag might not make it onto the plane, but I still have a few minutes. Which of course means that as soon as I step through the metal detector: "Excuse me sir, would you please step over here, you've been chosen for secondary search." Wonderful. Scan scan scan, apparently a pack of smokes sets of a metal detector wand. Run to the gate, and step onto the place as the seal the door behind me. Yet another close, frantic departure. What fun would travel be without them?

One defiant slap and the beast is gone. Good riddance, the blow smells terrible and drives sailors insane. Along with everything else that is out at sea. No wonder all sailors everywhere are insane, and have pegged legs. That way you can render them helpless with a simple beaver.

These are some awesome barnicles with some stupid whale stuck on them. I couldn't get a good shot without the whale in it, so just imagine that it's not there. But come on, look at those sweet barnicles!

This is a seagull that crapped on me when we were sitting around at some beach. It was very cold and windy there, which is nice because it limits the number of stupid Southern California surfer dudes falling down the cliffs around you in a desperate attempt to give meaning to their lives by riding around on a few waves then floating like the logs of crap that they are for several hours.

Here we have a waterfall, that we went to a few times in hopes that the sun would come out, but I actually prefer it with all the fog. *Swishes his hair back* It's so much darker that way. Like the pit of despair I live in. *Shoots himself with a water gun* Thwarted again.

Another four rolls, another few pictures for the masses. Here we have some nice California coastline. We saw a lot of this since we drove about three hundred miles along it.

Ah college. The smell of a very overused room, freshmen acting retarded for everyone's amusement, bad food, and sweaty, muggy, hot weather. It's good to be back. Moved all my stuff in, so now instead of a big mess in the car I have a big mess in my room, but when it's so nice and cool inside, the motivation to do anything just disappears. Besides, with Aaron as a roommate you can't really tell, because his piles of stuff will overtake mine in a few days anyway. I also ripped off T-mobile today, everyone be proud. They offered me a free month of service for a new contract, but instead I ordered a new phone with a discount in exchange for a contract. Then I call them back and get the free month of service anyway. Have to love that sweet German efficiency. On both our parts. That is definitely a good way to keep a customer. People love the feeling of ripping the store off, it is such a basic instinct. Feels good to walk out of a store with more money in your pocket then when you walked in, and the store knows perfectly well that they will screw you over in the end anyway. Oh, I'm sorry sir, you had to send that rebate within three minutes of purchase using DHL express package worldwide mail, and surrender the original UPC along with eighteen copies, and unfortunately, we only count seventeen here. Have a nice day. And then UPS gets involved and it all goes to hell.

So I was reading through my posts, and I realized that I have referenced a great event that was never talked about here. So without further ado, I present to you, the boxcar diaries.

Before our trip to the cabin, Mike, Rhonda (or Mrs. Sudimack for those of you too formal to use first names), and I drove over to the east side in the sweltering heat, slowly melting onto the exposed seats of the Jeep to pick up the key to said cabin. I am not quite sure where we are, but once you cross the tracks, it's very clear where you are. The Barrio. And if you don't know that, all the local merchants will remind you. Barrio car sales, Barrio licquor, Barrio hookers and bail bonds. We pick up the key, and hop back in, but just as our escape is about complete, I get stuck waiting for a train to cross. It comes to my attention that this train is slowing down, and is going to stop on the road, and then who knows how long we will be there. Low and behold, here comes the end. A single boxcar, door wide open, slowly rolls into view. I look at Mike and we both agree that we should hop into that boxcar. No no no, that's a bad idea, it's still moving and everything. But then it stops, which means it's no longer moving. So now we totally have to go jump into that boxcar, there is just no way around it anymore. We both hop out of the car, leave Rhonda sitting in the back, and waltz on up to this boxcar. Right as we are about to grab on and pull ourselves up, the whole train lets out a huge noise and starts off down the track. We immediately turn tail and run back to the car, Mike trying desperately to keep his pants up, and me yelling out something about my satchel on a stick. Had we gotten on that boxcar, we would have never had the balls to jump back out of a moving train, which would have left Rhonda sitting there in the back of the car as some train carried us off toward the sludge pits at Asarco. But that my friends was the first zany scheme that Mike and I ever had, and that whole day turned out to be a very good one. So cheers, to Mike, for being as big an idiot as me. Those aren't easy shoes to fill.

So my friend Mike and I were talking, the Mike of boxcar and heist notoriety, and an interesting idea was presented. I now present you with the pilot episode of "Breakfast With My Ex-es."

Opening scene, early morning at the Village Inn that we always go to. You see Ebert sitting at a table, waiting anxiously for someone to arrive. Aubrey strolls in first and sits down across from me in the booth.

Aubrey: So yeah, blah blah blah blah blah, some guy I'm dating whose way too old, and some stupid story about my ranch.

Ebert: Well, that sounds great. Hang on a second, I can't believe who just walked in.


The water slowly begins to shake as someone enters the building. A dash of red hair, and we all know right away that it's Misty. She attempts to squeeze into the booth but fails, instead opting to stand, a dumb smile lights up her face as she sees Aubrey.

Misty: Oh, hey Aubrey. I don't eat meat because of mad cow disease.

Misty precedes to stuff several cheeseburgers into her mouth, happy with the current situation. At this moment headlights flash into my eyes and Sabrina storms in.

Sabrina: I can't believe this.

Sabrina begins to cry and runs out, jumps into her car and angrily drives away, she then leaves several messages on my machine. Meanwhile, Misty has grown tired of not being able to fit in the booth, and a squad of suited gentlemen rush in and quickly escort her away to some fat camp that will do no good. The door swings shut, and it is once again just Aubrey and I. She looks to me and says.

Aubrey: Well, I'm a whore and have nothing to do tonight, wanna go fool around?

The End.

The next few rolls aren't as good as the first four, but still, you have to love this San Fransisco weather. Cold, windy, foggy, couldn't get any more perfect.

So yeah, here we are. Another person about to leave. Seems to be one of the only last days that is a big deal anymore. That leaves me here for a while. I'm usually the last to go. I guess you get used to it after a while. The nights have been getting shorter, and the remaining time is growing very thin. But there is always next year, isn't there? Yeah, there is always next year. And the rest of our lives. That was a very good point. Everyone will end up living together anyway. I hope. So there are still not enough people under me for my free ipod, so I am offering anyone willing to do it twenty bucks. You have to use your own stuff, but I'll walk you through it and make sure you aren't charged anything. And there you go, twenty bucks. I just want my free Ipod, I don't even like music that much, but it's a very addictive website for some reason. So yeah, anyone interested, you should all know how to contact me. Or send something to echris1@gmail.com and I should get it just fine. Thanks in advance, even though no one will do it, because for some reason people always think I am trying to scam them. At least, one person thinks that and so of course she has to badger everyone else into thinking the same thing. I have personally never conned anyway that wasn't perfectly willing to do it themselves. I mean, come on, I have paid back my debt to that woman several times now, in fact, I never even did anything wrong, but for some reason it is alright for her to break her side of the deal, every time. Because it's just more convenient that way. Damn that sucks. I should really do something about that. Maybe I will, we shall see how tomorrow goes when I talk to Jacqui and bargain, no, demand, a better share of everything I've done, and maybe a little bit of acknowledgement and consideration over there. Yeah. Well, I will be back here in the exact same spot tomorrow, maybe even earlier, since despite everyone's confirmations of staying up all night and having a crazy last day together, these plans are mere fabrications, soon to fall apart. So yeah, free Ipod. Do it. You know you need the money.

So I got my car back, which was taken because of the heist a few days ago. I will never quite understand their punishments for things. First of all, I'm 19 years old, what an odd thing to be able to do. Meanwhile, my friend's parents are running their lives and issuing curfews. Crazy stuff. But no, all that happened to me is that my car got taken away. I could still go wherever I please, I just couldn't use my own car. So when one morning my dad is looking through the sunday advertisements from local merchants he looks to me and goes: "Oh hey, could you go down to Best Buy and pick this up for me?" uh. "And could you pick up Sebastian from the mall on the way back?" Sorry dad, but I can't drive anywhere. He just wanders off and gets into his car, and I shoot my mom a look, I think that me not being able to drive hurts him more then it does me. I've realized that my dad is a very lazy man. Hey, Chris, could you install this wireless card into my laptop, you know the one, I asked you to take a completely unnecessary trip to best buy to buy it and had you fill out the rebate for me. Yeah, could you do that? And then he sits in the backyard reading the paper or working on his golf swing. So I come back a little while later, and I like installing stuff see, it's fun, there is a real rush with new electronics, even when they aren't mine. So I go downstairs and walk up to him. So yeah dad I installed your wireless card, it was having some problems so I updated some software on your machine and cleaned up a few things, then I had to reconfigure the network so that it would work properly with your operating system, then set it up so that you could easily turn it off when you are out of our homes range. Also, I repositioned the antenna on the router and reconfigured the firewall a bit so that you could get excellent signal strength here in the back yard, and surf the web at your leisure. He looks up and goes, alright, thanks. Did you mail that rebate yet? Uh, no, but I'll keep it for myself since I just got you those things for free by cheating the rebate system at Best Buy. I go back inside and he sits there in his speedo surfing the web and looking at pie graphs of his finances. I love stuff like that. That is some cool stuff to do with your dad. Awesome. So now I drive around and have him send a fax for me, and everything is back to normal.

So I am pretty sure I have fixed the problem. The talk with my dad wasn't all that bad, and while he wasn't looking, I changed his hosts file around to try and find my blog on his computer, which will never happen, so it just times out and gives an error message about the page not existing. That should hold him off for a few years. Coming up next, how to edit your own hosts file, or your friend's (enemy's) for profit and amusement. Everything has never been this naked. And that's a shame, tune in soon!

Unfortunately there has been a breach of security here, and for some reason "completely on accident" my dad managed to find this website. I will be taking down all the posts, and will inform those of you who can be here when I figure out what to do. So until then, send your thanks to lebert1@elp.rr.com.

This one shot is worth twenty-one rolls of film.

Ah, what a wonderful pair of days, just good times, hanging out, doing absolutely nothing just because you know you don't have to. Sit in the dark with some people and quote the Simpsons, spend a crazy day just smoking the whole time. A celebration of sorts. Alright, now it's back to business. I have recently come across an offer for a free iPod. Now, this is legitimate, I researched it extensively, and if you don't believe me, talk to me and I'll show you what's up. Of course, if your still skeptical, do me a favor and do it anyway. Nothing will cost you anything, and it will make me very happy. Anyway, check it out here. Once again, talk to me, if this works out I'll let you listen to stuff on it while I'm buying you a taco. Pretty sweet deal all around I'd say.
And now I'm off to sleep for twelve to fifteen hours. And you know what? Because I can, and don't have to do anything else. All summer. Ever. Ah fuck, I better wash the car tomorrow and drive around for now reason looking for a reason to drive around to wash the car. That should take me a while to figure out later, so I bid you all farewell.

So now, I can save ACAG, become a theater patron and savior, and take a sizeable chunk out of my debt. Six hundred is such a wonderful number, exactly what I need. Half goes to noble theater, a hundred to my picture development, and the rest to pay off those pesky plastic things that are always magically sliding themselves through magnetic readers to facilitate the transfer of a few numbers from one place to another and allowing me to go home with lots of stuff that I really need (don't need). Exquisite. Best day of the summer. Such much craziness, so little time, and it all started off with lots of bitching in Jacqui's room. I'm going to go see fucking ACDC! With this I can extend the range of my I-will-go-here-if-they-come-to-this-state-ness to whatever the hell backwater hole of some cobbled together borders guarded by son's of the soil hicks with shotguns is past Oklahoma. And so this wonderful day ends, with a cigarette out of my window, as the sun begins to punch it's way through my face and lights up the nearby trees with it's terrible terrible poison. Good things we had Bullet Zoot-suit Malahan on our side.

So as if our excellent heist/zany get-away wasn't enough to make tonight super badass, this next thing just took the cake, blew it away with an elephant gun, and wandered off to have a beer. Taking the last of the money I had from the meager amount given to me this month, and shreds of the forgotten sign money, I put sixty five dollars into our favorite casino, and played a few casual hands of blackjack. The stakes kept going up, and the bets along with it, good hand, bad hand, change up the bet to fuck with the casino, and just keep going. Limits were set and broken everywhere, but the end result was always the same, another hundred added on to the first one that I shouldn't really have. Finally I stop, check my account for withdrawal clearance and there it is.

God damn I am so fucking money.

So today started interestingly enough, but the bad stuff is always boring and when there is so much great stuff to tell it's just no use trying to get your fingers to listen to you, they pretty much do whatever they want. First of all, tonight was the night of our greatest heist yet, in fact, it was the night of two heists. So at Village Inn today I decide that the blue apartment book stand would look better anywhere else than chained to the outside of the restaurant. We rip the wires off, toss it in the Jeep, and speed off. Cops pull up the road while I wait for a left turn signal and turn their spotlights on, but we jet up the mountain, switch our bagman with our other driver at an undisclosed location, cover up the loot and fucking 86 it out of there nice and slow over the back roads. Excellent heist with first timers Jay, Phil and Mike. Phil was the brains, his excellent idea sparked my madness, Jay's big arms tossed it in the car and gave us a good excuse to be more spy-like, and Mike was in on it as the guy who came back even when he knew we might have cops on our tails, because he wasn't going to let us take the fall for anything. A wonderful job, best heist ever, and one of the greatest things we have done all summer. But this my friends is just the beginning.

Oh, for those of you who like the bad stuff, it will be the last thing in, that way you can read the story in semi order starting at the top of the page. But why so negative anyway?

So I figured out what my one great skill is. Alright, you know those speed bumps that are really wide, and because of that they just put two speedbumps next to each other? Well, I am very good at driving over them so that the left wheels never hit the bump, making the car much more stable, not to mention more comfortable for anyone on the left side. Of course, I could alternate it, but that gets tricky, and I can't really see anything on the right side of the car anyway, so that might be a bad idea. So if you have a choice, get on the left side, everyone always knows that the driver will look out for himself, since he has the important task of concentrating on operating the motor vehicle.

Dry Cleaning

Professional dry cleaning is an acceptable alternate to automatic laundering.

Ah yes, another summer's evening. Sunday's are always interesting, because everyone seems to be so careful, exclaiming to themselves surprisingly, "Oh it's sunday, we can't do anything on sunday. Why, that's the end of the weekend, although it doesn't matter because it's no different for all of us poor slobs who don't have jobs, but still, sunday!" So I often find myself doing absolutely nothing on these days. The Jeep is feeling slightly better, although I am not, and because of that I have been sitting around my house for hours on end now. I miss being able to sleep until the sun went down again, it was like a game, a game of how lazy can I be, and also how long can I avoid my dad coming in, which is hard, trust me. If you've ever tried to avoid someone while your asleep, you know what I'm talking about. I mean, the King of Prussia himself could wander into your house and take over the place. And where would you be? Having some dream about eating whipped cream off of some chick. Alright, so some good would come out of it, but still. I wonder if I have any whipped cream around...

So I'm back from California. It was fun, got to see The Lion King in the most beautiful theater I have ever been in. If your interested what that may look like, check here. Unfortunately they don't have any pictures, but you can at least read about it and be jealous. A great show by the way, I recommend it to anyone who has the chance to see it. I also took a lot of pictures, mostly of the same thing at different zooms and focuses. Ended up with twenty-one rolls of film. Total cost to develop them: $100. If anyone is particularly keen on seeing these anytime soon, donations are being accepted here. It stupid to ask for them, but hey, some people are real nice sometimes, and I promise I won't gamble any of the money, since I'm giving that up, at least until I pay off my credit cards. Anyway, I have noticed in the few hours that I have been back here that a lot of drama has built up, and this has resulted in everyone taking bitchy little walks again, and asking people to leave the room to have a quick discussion. Bah, it's all so damn stupid. On the upside, I played a game of Paranoia last night. What's Paranoia you ask? Well that all depends, what is your security clearance friend citizen? Surely Friend Computer provides for all your needs, so these questions are unnecessary. Here, have a sedative. Friend Computer will now serve you hot fun. Have a wonderful day.

Well, here I am, about to start my trip, staying up much too late of course, but hey, no sleep will make the hard floor of the Nevada desert seem that much more comfortable.  Either that or I'll pass out soon enough not to care.  I will try to post my happenings on here as the trip progresses, I'm sure the hotels will offer free internet service, most of them do now a days.  Fancy technology.  Of course, with the moderating influence of the parents, the postings may be more event-based then the crazy stuff that rampages through my head when I can't sleep at night.  Hell, I may even update this thing during the day!  That doesn't happen to often.  Of course, as I leave, I can't help but wonder what will go down while I'm gone, which is odd, because at the same time I know that nothing will change.  Nothing ever does.  This leaves me to contemplate things in my life, and give me a starting point.  It's not as positive as you might think, it's more like starting all over.  But it's all good, not like I ever get that far anyway.  I may put up some voice recordings in the next few weeks, if I can find something that I think is interesting enough to waste that much bandwidth.  I will have my phone with me, if anyone is curious as to how I am doing.  So after a nice romp through Vegas, the redwoods, and San Francisco, it's back here for a week or two, and then I'm off to college.  It will be fun, but it's also so far away from some people who are very important to me.  Always next summer of course.  We can still say that for a few years, until people stop coming home.  El Paso will always be home, there is no denying it.  So much of my life has happened here, where else would I call home?  Maybe the internet.  I do troll around there a lot, but it just doesn't have a good enough sound system to be considered home.  Also, keyboards aren't as comfortable as beds, although there is probably someone out there working on a way to remedy that.  Well, I guess I could get some sleep, so it's time for some nice relaxing music and a cigarette by the window.  Once the super luckies come around, it's all over.  Until next summer probably.  That seems to come up a lot.  Next summer.  Oh well.

Fifty ways to leave your lover.

Ah yes, committing crimes in one's own house, truly there is nothing greater to be accomplished then pulling something off where you always are, and being the first person that would be suspected were any incriminating evidence to surface. And now here I sit, reveling in my achievement. A good night all around, good weather, good company, and not a person in sight in my house. Empty as it should be. Free to do as I please, and be as loud as I want, I strut through the halls with a certain note of confidence. Power resides here. Owning walls, that is the key. If you have a place of your own, you already years ahead of most people. I put a lot of work in today, and most of it was of no consequence. Cleaned the pool on the slight chance that someone will want to take a dip. Offered food in case anyone was hungry. Got along with everyone, even though not everyone remains now. It's not very surprising, just a bit disappointing. Tonight was my last night with Tim, and it was a good one. Through the best of times, and the gayest of times (all the time), Tim will always be there, a good time wrapped in a white shirt. I will miss him a great deal, damn these vacations, always getting in the way of things, ruining weeks of doing nothing together everyday by taking you to some other place in the country that is just as hot as it is here, and wander around taking pictures of things you'll never see again, but for some reason simply must remember. Good old photography, where would your eye-brain nerve be without it? No where, that's where, because you wouldn't have a map, because maps are based off of satellite photography. Schooled you. Now hold still while I gas you.

Alright, so as you all may or may not know, I have recently entered the Video Marquee stolen from Hollywood market.  These sales went rather well, and I was sitting on a large, neat pile of six hundred and thirty-two dollars.  Of course, after shipping and taking care of everything, I had a nice even amount of four hundred bucks of nothing but profit.  A bit of work done, but still, good time and profit.  Lady luck would continue to smile on me these next few days, the newfound money that could now be spent was finally available.  So I put it in a casino, and before I know it, I'm making hundred dollar bets and was winning, winning big time, this was a streak.  I have nine hundred dollars. Nine hundred dollars.  All profit.  I could help some friends keep their theater going, I could pay my bills, and I could get myself a little something nice to celebrate.  But then a bad hand, no big deal, just play another to get it back.  Dealer gets twenty.  Another hand, no insurance, double down with a nice eleven.  Dealer Blackjack when I have twenty-one.  The casino had turned on me, and I knew it in my gut.  But no, I was up there, I could fly that high again, no problem, just set a nice lower limit.   Alright, so I'm passed the limit, so I'll just get it back up to the limit and then pull out.  Losing hand.  Losing hand.  A winning hand to lift my spirits, but unfortunately right after I lowered my bet, and was no better off because of it.  Finally I blink as the last twelve dollars are placed on a decent hand, end up with a fourteen.  The dealer, a twenty-one.  A final slap in the face as my balance now read a meager fifty cents.  Not even enough for the slots.  Nine hundred dollars and I blew it.  I am now exactly where I was before I sold these signs, a little more mentally unstable, but the exact same place.  So basically I had something to do for a few weeks.  And now I can go on vacation and forget about it.  Had I another four hundred, I would have walked right back in there.  But no.  It could not be so.  It's gone.  And now I'm here, with no less money, except for a little less time to make it back.  It's all ups and downs my friends.  All ups and downs.  I'm still not sure how I feel about all of this, only that I wanted everyone to know, because it is something that I have to deal with, and something that I can't change, no matter how much I wish it so.  But alas, money is nothing, a mere triviality with nice little numbers written on them, telling us how much we are all really worth.  It will happen again, but this time there will be failsafes in place.  And they will hold.  And if not, no big deal.  The key is you never wager what you can't afford to lose.  And I can afford to lose it all, because no matter what, I'll still always have what I really need.  That will always be there.  So money is nothing if it is not to comfort what I really need and making them feel special.  As long as you have that and your dreams, no dead president can tell you what your worth. 

Ah midsummer, the worst time of the year.  Nothing happens, the heat pounds you into the ground and then sprinkles delicious rain on your head, only to bring the sun out again and instantly boil the water, scalding your precious few hair follicles into giving up and dropping your giant dome hat of hair onto the floor.  This is the time of low expectations, and even lower results.  No change, lots of routine, tediously uncatalogable amounts of boredom, and the occasional wild night of partying.  On the plus side, I recently spent a very enjoyable few hours with good friends of mine constructing a monster box.  It walked, it talked, but it couldn't quite stand up under it's own power.  Nevertheless, there was a crappy box I was proud to call my own.  Some funny looks and some cigarettes outside of Kinko's later, and it was on it's way to the happy buyer.  And the whole process would begin again the next day.  Oh well, 3 hours of work on a free box for two hundred bucks, that seems worth it to me.  Ebert Wholesales continues to thrive.  So yeah, until this midsummer slump wears off, or I go on vacation (which will probably happen first) I'm not so sure there will be all that much of interest here, but hey, maybe I can fake some pictures of us putting together that box so you can have a look at that.

Ugh. You know what I hate? The post office. It's not so much the actual place, or the people that work there, as it is the people who stand in line. And bitch. And bitch. And then complain some. Then bitch some more. If you don't like it there, then leave, no one ever said that we really need you to send 14 packets of Taco Bell Mild Sauce to the Middle East, because I'm pretty sure that they already have some pretty spicy food over there. If anyone knows where I can get a nice big box of an odd shape, give me a holler, because I would really like to know. Until then I am stuck with two signs taking up valuable space in my garage. And now I'm off to buy myself a voice recorder, and maybe from now on you'll be able to listen to me instead of having to kill your eyes reading these tiny little insignificant words. Excellent.

So here we are. The end of a few days of unrest here. Several things have happened. The repair of the Jeep, only to have it get stuck in a rescue attempt that very night, the return to a state of disrepair as whatever we did underneath there loses it's ultra strong duct tape seal and begins to wildly undulate around the road again, a bunch of awkward moments, some funny jokes that no one got, and too much time spent at the airport. And after it all, a profound feeling has come over me. I have arrived at two theories, and either one could be correct. One, I am getting wierder, or two, I am nearing a hysterical breakdown. Uncontrollable laughing has been fun in the past, but these situations aren't even always funny, some are just downright sad. And as I drive through this hellish furnace of a city, nothing washes over me. No joy, no sadness. It is just sort of in the middle. It could of course be the three hours of sleep I'm running on, after weeks of falling into tiny pieces on the bed when the sun comes up, or it could be the fact that I had too many cigarettes today. Then again, you wake me after three hours, and I'm going to have to pump my brain full of something to stay conscious, and nicotine seems to work a bit worse then caffeine. I've also discovered that I really like matches. The ones from the US are okay, but the real good matches are in Mexico. Nothing but pure sulfur, the dangerous kind, so powerful you could light them on a stick of butter. Just don't inhale the fumes. In fact, try not to breath any of the air while your here. It will make the time go by much faster. Anyway, I get the feeling everyone around here is walking on eggshells, and I'm not sure why. It might have something to do with theory number two up there. Just to calm everyone's nerves, NO ONE WILL BE SPARED! NO ONE! So no one has to really worry, because you'll all get it in the end anyway. I love this show. Seriously though, I'm fine, just need to get back into the swing of things. And not go crazy. There is probably room on the list for both.

I'm on to you internet. You can't trick me, I don't want to pay for things in Canadian dollars. To whoever has been hacking the Gibson on my eBay account, I will catch you. You can't stop me from turning my employment at Hollywood and all the glorious fringe benefits that it entails into a tidy profit to make me feel better after working for hours on end only to be yelled at for something I didn't do. If I'm going to steal a movie, I'll do it over the internet anonymously thank you very much. Ah well, employment is a thing of the past, I am far too busy failing at being a professional gambler. And a copyright pirate. And the world's greatest lover. Well, I guess we can't fail at everything. Haha, I'm so alone. If anyone out there is searching for a great deal on some RAM, check this out. Despite certain tiny nay-sayers, it is indeed a good deal, and I will gladly safely drive my car over to your house and prove it. So there. Show me no regard will you, well I'll show you something! Or maybe I won't. There in lies the game gentlemen. Now I simply have to wait for her to crack like so much melty ice below my mighty... Birkenstock... with a boot attachment! Yeah, for stomping! If only I could drive with these. Damn, defeated again! Ah well, it's all good. Now to pull a feat unmatched by anyone, well, by me anyway. I will go to sleep before the sun comes up. Not for any good reason mind you, but I've simply run out of things to say. Alright so you caught me, I've decided to fix myself a bit. Run out of things to say, couldn't even keep a straight face on that one. Well anyone, Bon Voyage fair dreamers, I shall be in your dreams to annoy you tonight. And tomorrow. And the next day. Oh, wait one second, there seems to be an angry mob of well rested people outside. It's such a nice night, I think I'll just go out the window.