So here I am again, sitting in my lonely dorm room in Denton. Woot. I suppose. I just realized that I have spent the last several months here and now I grow weary of seeing the same things everyday, and it is definitely time for an extended vacation. Until then however I have a lot of theater work to do, such as memorize this fancy book over here. Well, you can't see it, but just try and memorize the rest of the stuff on this page, in about four hours. As for staying up tonight, I am still divided on that issue, although if it takes me any longer, the choice will be made for me. Oh well, it seems that it has, and tonight will be another painful night of waiting for Art Six to open. Until then, I will waste a lot of time, and maybe look at Henry V a few times. Who knows. Well, I'm out of here, everyone have themselves a peachy old-timey time.

Ah, yes, another glorious day in El Paso. Had some turkey with some crazy Germans who didn't seem to quite understand what was going on, but instead had a nice conversation about car import regulations. Then I spent the rest of the night up the street, and watched a very good old movie along with some crazy television. And all I could think about the whole time is how much I love this place, and how much I love these people. It is crazy how you just don't know what you have until it is taken away. I can't wait to go on Christmas break. Tomorrow I will drop of some film and sit around memorizing things, that way when auditions and performance time rolls around, everything will be all good. And indeed. It is all good.

Ah, to be home again. Damn I love it here. I wake up in the plane about thirty feet from the ground, and I look over out the window and there is Mexico. Aaron and Holly are asleep on the seats next to me, so I just sit there and watch home come closer. It was wonderful. The Jeep seemed a bit shaky, but I think I am just getting used to it again. A wonderfully cold night tonight, made the first Jeep drive in over three months very excellent. Nothing sums up a good time in El Paso more than that three AM Jeep drive through the freezing cold. No top on, the windows all steamed up, it was excellent. I arrive at home and have a pretzel and sit here at the computer, just trying to figure out what I am doing here. Finally got to see Kristen again, it has been a while, and we had a good night watching public access television, a random assortment of cultural works, such as orchestral music and scenes from plays and operas. Excellent. And now I am home, sitting at my desk, and all I want to do is get in my car, go and pick up Kristen and have a crazy drive around the town in the cold. Damn I love being home right now.

So here I am in Plano. While the setting may be different the situation is all too similar. Another night of staying up because I just couldn't find a reason to do otherwise. I seem to be getting used to it. As long as I get a few hours of sleep sometime every twenty-four hours or so I'll be fine. This trend shouldn't continue, but realistically it will only get worse during finals week, when I know that if I go to sleep I won't wake up in time to take my tests. Hell, I thought I wasn't going to wake up in time to catch a flight today until Aaron showed up and got me out of bed again, and that would have been about nineteen hours later. Ah sleep, I really do miss it, the precious few hours I got yesterday during the day were continually interpreted by a variety of things ranging from banging on the door to phone calls. Blasted people and their constant desire to see me. It's like a freakin mob is chasing me around trying to tear a bit of my clothes off so all of their hillbilly cousins can worship it. Well, that only happened once, so I suppose that doesn't really count as superstar status. Oh well. And now for a nice nap on the couch. Well, maybe a stroll outside in the freezing wind to cool off, then a cigarette, and then a nap, if I can't find anything else to do on the internet. Woot, El Paso or bust!

Well, here I am. I am not quite sure how long I've been awake now, but I could probably go on for at least another few hours. On the other hand, I am completely done with anything that I have to do for the next couple of days, since I won't be doing anything, and could easily just crawl into bed until about five o'clock tomorrow afternoon, when, hopefully, my Aaron shows up to take me to the airport. I made a few observations today as I sat on random benches across campus looking sort of like a discarded husk with smoke coming out of me. Well no, I was soaking wet almost all day, because everytime I stepped outside, it began to pour, except for when I got my mail, which leads me to believe that clouds like to play Paranoia, so they stopped for a while to make sure my new book didn't get wet. But anyway, I noticed that people have very strange ways of trying to avoid puddles, which, in the end, prove utterly futile. There is the light step, which results in the entire foot being submerged in water when they put weight on it (apparently everyone thinks they have had ballet training and are, sadly, mistaken) then there are the ones who try and jump, and those are the best, because they usually result in very large splashes, which causes someone else to lose the concentration they are focusing ever so intently on their little step, which then also fails. Either way, once everyone gets across it begins to pour again, just so that the rain can let everyone know whose boss. Then, I was just sitting there, minding my own business, when the sun just pops out of the clouds and punches me in the face, and damn did it hurt. I haven't seen the sun in about two weeks now (it's been very cloudy, I'm not a vampire or anything) and as a result I cannot look at anything brighter then a sixty watt bulb without it making my eyes bleed. And now I'm going to put on an episode of sliders, lay down in bed, and drift off to sleep. Although, what I would really like is a massage, because after spending two nights in a row making sure the Dutch win their independence in South America and doing lots of Russian homework, my back is killing me. So ladies, if your looking for an excuse to come over and rub me while I'm passed out, now is the time to do it.

Possible topics for today's post include: The lies women tell and why, the ramifications of telling anyone anything, or the good stand-by, staying up all night! Seeing as how I have discussed the first two in detail with my hetero-life-mate Tim, we will skip on to everyone's favorite: incoherent babble from beyond the alarm clock! The worst part would have to be when you go outside, and it's still pretty dark, clouds loom in the sky, and you just can't figure out whether it is evening or morning, and either way it would be nice to just crawl into bed. However, that is not an option. There are many things to do today! Luckily my old timey DOS games began to crash a few hours ago, so I did write some of those theater papers, although they take so damn long, just because it's hard to come up with character histories when you are trying to memorize four other things at the same time. But I suppose nighttime is the right time for BS, and because of that, character/script analysis are complete! Now if I could just find whatever random notebook I scribbled down my monologue critiques in, I'd be all set. On top of all of this it is almost time to go home for Thanksgiving, so there isn't really too much more I want to do. So lets break down today shall we? A few cigarettes to keep me awake and active, some random typings mocked up to look like actual work, perhaps a few rounds planning the Dutch War of Independence in South America, (gotta get those muzzles loaded boys, so take off those clogs and get to work!) dragging myself down the street for Voice class, where I am hoping that delightful British woman is still substituting or I may actually have to do something today, and I'm just not up for it at all. After that I may take a math test, depending on how quickly I can cram my calculator full of formulas, and then a performance test, by which time I will have totally lost it. In steps the Giant Russian Workbook, proclaiming something about freedom of the workers, but at the same time making me write all sorts of things inside of it, and I'm just not looking for that kind of relationship with printed material right now. Throw in some coffee and a few more cigarettes and hey, you have a wonderful day of being really fucking tired. So, I will probably be back here sometime today, seeing as how when I have a lot to do, this is all that actually gets done, but it's just because I love the internet so damn much, I feel the need to add my own however many words this is in. And though no one may like what I have to say, you can't do anything about it, because this is America! Well, at least for now, looks like W is putting on his giant smashing boots and is soon going to come tearing up a little something called EVERY FREEDOM WE HAVE! But hey, if no one can talk, it makes it that much harder for people to lie to you, even when you ask them over and over again if they are telling the truth. I guess it is just good training. Take the pain and feelings of betrayal and stuff them in your actor's toolbox, sit on top of it until they suffocate, and then give a big smile and yell at everyone in the audience in hopes of a callback. And.... scene!

Alright, so I've gotten to the post box like ten times already, but I keep getting distracted by something else, but now I have decided to finally write something. Today was a pretty good day. Except for voice. There is nothing I hate more then waking up in the morning for my one class on friday, one measly stinking hour, and finding out it's been canceled. The worst part is, if I had decided not to go today, it wouldn't have been canceled, we probably would have done something very important instead. I was also the only one who was there, which leads me to believe that someone didn't tell me something, or I forgot to read the syllabus. I don't know, I don't have time for all these questions! Anyway, after that I just went and passed out some more, then wandered back down to the theater building at about four, luckily caught Ted before he left, managed to weasel myself into two work hours for about ten minutes of standing around looking at a spotlight, so that's pretty good, I am actually within throwing distance of being done with all my hours. Not wimpy girl throwing distance, but pretty close. Anyway, after that I come home and get a message from Sara, whom I had met on DeviantART (my page, her page) and since she wasn't doing anything that night, I invited her to attend the UNT production of Once Upon a Mattress, which was fun, and we got in for free since I knew all of the ushers. Wonderful, nothing like a free night out with a lady. So anyway, good show, we went and grabbed a cup of coffee at the superb Art Six Coffeehouse (anyone in Denton, go there now, and then again sometime between December 6th and January 2nd, so you can see my work on display, plus they need the money, plus their coffee is exquisite) sat around, talked for a bit, and walked home. Then I decided to go have a cigarette out back where I ran into some people who were pretty cool and ended up smoking the hookah with them, while lady after lady from the theater department came out and rubbed my head in approval of my new haircut. So all in all, an excellent night. Unfortunately, I seem to be the only one that stays up past midnight lately, you big wusses, so I couldn't get a hold of anyone on the phone to share this wonderful night with, but it was all good. Now for the rest of the weekend I get to write many many theater papers for Lorenzo which are way too late. I will be very angry if I end up getting a C in that class, because it will be by a few points, and that will mean I would have to take it again, and that is just not acceptable, seeing as how it seems I will be in school for about six years already. Ah well, good times all around. Now it's time for some chips and salsa, maybe a movie, and then a nice giant bout of sleep. I have no commitments tomorrow, although Sara may call if she gets bored, so that should be pretty good. Woot, Ain't life wonderful?

So today was very very cool. Had a great rehearsal with Jessica and Dr. Garcia, hung out with Tommy for a while, rode around in the back of a truck like all those crazy lunch times with a truck full of mexicans. Good times. Then I talked to the artistic director at the Art House, and they have decided to display some of my work. I really like that place, very nice, comfy couches, good coffee, some nice stuff hanging on the walls. Excellent. And now it's time to slip into my beautiful bed, and drift off into some good sleep on my wonderful futon. Mmmm, warmth.

For those of you that don't know, my favorite new browser just released version version 1.0. Click the link to get it, it's awesome!

So it has come to my attention that life is not funny. It is not fucking hilarious. In fact, smiles are evil. Laughter kills babies. Life is to be met with a frown and a cynical attitude. Any deviation from this is to be punished by repeated bitching from everyone else. If someone is having too much fun just living life, point it out to them, and tell them how it makes them a bad person, how they aren't growing in the right direction, how they need to become more mature. The last time I checked, most old people are crazy and having a good old time, because life is fun to them. And to little kids, they have fun too, life is funny. So why all the bullshit inbetween? Well, it is what keeps the crappy music industry going, it gives everyone an excuse to act like a dumbass, dress all in black, cry about every little unimportant trifling matter that threatens to upset your delicate little life, and generally make sure everyone is miserable. Well I would hate to break it to you, but life is fucking hilarious, and if you can't see that your just a damn fool.

A world like George Orwell's 1984 has always frightened me, mostly because of a concept discussed within the pages of the book called unhistory. What happens with the practice of unhistory is this: The end result of anything would cause an adjusting of history, as well as a justification of older thoughts and actions, even if those actions were based on something entirely different. For example, let us say, in a hypothetical situation, the United States were to enter into World War II because of the threat to American business interests in Europe. However, while parading around through Europe they come across some concentration camps, and liberate the people therein. Then, at the end of the war, they manipulate the information to make it look like they went into the war solely as a humanitarily concerned nation looking our for the well being of the population of the world. This works in the long run, and will eventually come to be accepted as the truth, but it does not work right away. It doesn't work on the people that were there, the people in charge of these decisions. People who know better simply because they were involved, they said themselves that this is why, and this is what will happen. You can change the past, but it means alienating the segment of the population that lived through it. Luckily they are usually very easy to deal with, you either ignore them and go along your merry little way happy with the fact that they will die before you do, or you attempt to hammer the new history into these people. That doesn't always work. But hey, if it makes you feel better, and if it justifies the things you are saying now, I suppose unhistory has fulfilled it's purpose. To fuck people over. It is a good way to make the same mistake over and over again. It is also a good way to make sure other people do the same thing, so you aren't alone in your foolish ideas of what has happened. Isn't it wonderful when we can draw upon our literary knowledge and use it in our everyday lives? Especially when the terms had to do with a ficticious totalitatian government bent on controlling every aspect of our lives!

I think I may have ruined digital music for myself. I was leeching off of the iTunes network earlier today, and noticed just how shitty some songs sound in certain formats and bitrates. Now I'm not some audiophile who insists that the only true way to listen to music is fully analog vinyl recordings. Well, I do think that, but it isn't the only way. Anyway, I urge everyone that makes mp3's to put a bit of quality in them, I mean, considering that you can get a huge harddrive for like fifty bucks now means no one has the size constraints that we did a few years ago, and in my opinion, a small file full of low quality music takes up more space then a large full featuring the full rich fidelity that we have all come to expect from today's modern sound systems. So please, save the music. Otherwise I'll have to buy them myself because of how upset I will be that they sound terrible.

Well, today was a good day for me. I slept from two in the afternoon until about three thirty in the morning, smoked the hookah out back with some guy named Jessie, then checked my portfolio, my investments had, for the first time, all moved into the green. Then I remembered that I had been promised a free twenty dollars at my favorite online casino, installed, played for a while, and ended up with $850.21. A very good day all around. I have already cashed it out, so there is no risk of me losing it, which means that I can now pay my credit cards, and also pick up a thing or two on the side for myself. Well, not really for myself, more like my paranoia players. But anyway, it has been a wonderful day, and I have only been awake for about an hour. Best Saturday so far this semester. Then again, that isn't too hard, because I'm usually pretty down on friday nights when everyone leaves and there simply isn't anything for me to do anymore. But that is not the case here. Now I am going to go have a lucky strike cigarette. And then get hit by a bus, who knows, perhaps this day will still go badly, but no! I refuse to believe. Now to get bundled up, because it's about forty degrees outside. Cold.

In a shocking new development, the borders in North America have been redrawn, and countries renamed to better reflect the current political environment.

Now I don't usually like to simply post links, but this one sums up how I feel pretty nicely, thanks go to Tim, who has been scouring the internet in a desperate search for answers, but all he got back in return was proof of the utter stupidity of America. Enjoy.

http://alternet.org/election04/20406/